Qualitative methods such as repeated in-depth interviews are frequently used in research on sensitive issues such as HIV/AIDS, loss and grief and child abuse. The research process can be highly emotional, both for the participants and the researcher. While the ethical dilemmas that this poses for participants have been elaborated, little attention has been given to researchers's experiences and their needs. Qualitative research on loss and grief in school communities will be used to exemplify the dilemmas encountered by the researcher. These include: the clash of ontological beliefs brought to the research; being a researcher and providing support; the interpersonal context of interviews, with their heightened affective component; and the dilemmas of the researcher's role of being 'in' or 'out' of the research. Self-reflexivity was identified as a key skill for researchers in the field of loss and grief. This helped develop awareness of the predicaments. Mechanisms for monitoring and addressing these dilemmas are presented, including the use of a research journal as a form of debriefing and 'supervision'. A new role of 'being alongside' or 'with' the participant is offered as a way to manage the emotionality of the research process.